Exactly.

First of all I just want to add onto our intro by explaining our numerical system for our posting. We rate our soberiety (<- that word exists, fuck you microsoft word) on a scale of 0-10, with zero being most sober. This is very important because of our love of getting wasted all the time. Also as I usually barely remember, I am 400% more smart in every way when highly intoxicated, and can probably even spell and grammar good too. Also ratings in the negative refer to how high we are on a specific evening of blog. Thus, we have a scale that makes no sense what-so-ever, when we are both drunk and stoned out of our minds, we will have reached a sober rating of 0. Also Taco is correct in that we "don't see eye to eye on a lot of thing."

Anyways, onto the fanny pack. Like many of you I assume, I don't fit nicely into those delicious looking lulu lemon pants or the small volleyball shorts, which leaves me struggling to find a way to show off my ghetto booty. Since I assume no pant can possibly give a slim white boy a gorgeous ass, I went in search of a way to accessorize this smokin hiny I carry around on a day to day basis. After finding earrings painful, I was introduced by Taco to the fanny pack, and since then I awake every morning to birds singing and naked girls playing tag and mud wrestling whereever I go. Being Someone who loses something every four minutes or less, the fanny pack is a lifesaver. Everything you own is circling your ass at all times. Without the back pain of a wallet, it is no longer necessary to take everything out of your pockets, leave them on a table in a public area, and wander off to chase butterflies as many of us do from time to time. If I had a a fanny pack four days ago, maybe I would not have lost my wallet. Which brings me to my next point:

Losing your wallet is fucking horrific. Somehow every piece of fucking identification you need to replace, needs at least two other pieces of identification conveniently located in the same place. The amount of security measures taken for the shit in your wallet astounds me. Judging by the 2:1 ratio of amount of time I have spent trying to get new identification for my wallet vs. the amount of effort I have put into this semester of university, I can now honestly guarantee you that at least two thirds of the people you see every day are out to get your identity and use it. Check the math. So we should be extremely weary of others. Honestly The other day I saw this attractive girl walking down the street, and I was so close to tackling her to the ground and searching every crevice of her body for some sort of "Identity stealing kit". I just know that if she got a hold of me first, she would have grabbed my only remaining plastic card and immediately ran to the university, to spend the twenty dollars I had on it continuously photocopying the same piece of paper. Then using that ID which had my face on it, she would have tricked a bank clerk into giving her my debit and visa cards, and flirted her way into getting my PIN, before running off to Costa Rica to live the rest of her life off the thousand dollars in my bank account. And i'm not even going to go into the amount of illegal drinking and driving she could do if she tricked the government into giving her my driver's license. My point of this awesome story, is that all of these rules are in place for a really good reason. I mean I need one thousand dollars really bad to buy things for myself, and If I can't drink using my photo ID, then there is no fucking way i'm gonna let some bitch do it. I just wish I had a fanny pack.

~ Chuck - 0